As someone who has struggled with depression for around four years now, I can say that depression is not something that you can will away. You cannot pray it away or eat enough vegetables or run enough miles. You cannot kiss enough boys or touch enough people or laugh enough. Depression is a sickness, just as deadly as cancer, and it deserves to be treated like a legitimate illness, not something that will go away if you drink enough vitamin c or take a little pill. Depression is an awful thing to deal with, it takes away the one thing you thought you’d always have; happiness. I guess what I am getting at is if someone you love is brave enough to let you know that they are struggling, if they let you know their diagnosis, don’t ignore them or shrug them off. Don’t tell them to smile more or to pray about it. Be there for them, let your actions do the speaking. Let them know that it is okay to not be okay. Show them that they are not alone. Love them. After all, they’re fighting one hell of a battle.
i made a therapy appointment and for bright and early on a monday which means i am probably going to be a grouchy nervous mess and afterwards i am going to get coffee and probably cry and go to school and rethink every word i thought/said during the session and the psychologist is a man because i wanted a man because i feel like women aren’t as professional (in my experience) and i am just super nervous and wow
but lapsing the other day made me realize that all of this stuff is stupid and i don’t want to deal with it and that i just really want to be normal and yep long post over
made a psychology appt ahhh
Anonymous asked: lapses and relapses are part of recovery. anywhosers, sending you positive vibes! tomorrow's a new day and you always have the choice to re-choose recovery etc etc
lately it just seems like it’s a lot and so much is going on an whatever. it’s dumb. but i made a therapy appointment soooo.
relapse…that’s what this feels like…but how can it be a relapse when i never recovered…
it’s 1am and i just binged on chips an salsa and yeah i want to purge
It is not obsessing about dinner before even eating breakfast. It is not scrambling for food in order to fill a bottomless hunger. It is not sitting on my kitchen floor feeling guilty and depressed after what I have just done. It is not staring down a toilet with tears streaming down my face. It is not giving all of my food away to a friend and making a promise to myself to never eat again. It is not feeling guilty for taking care of myself. It is not people pleasing. It is not Ms. Perfectionist. It is not your eating disorder.
So, what is serenity?
It is actually eating on Thanksgiving Day. It is enjoying myself at a cookout. It is being alone in my apartment without being afraid. It is having the energy to walk around the block. It is letting go. It is letting people get close to me and my boundaries. It is honesty. It is being able to say no. It is the ability to focus. It is the passion to pursue my dreams. It is having so much more time for living. It is me.
written by Jennie Schaefer, Life Without Ed (via finding-liz)